Sunday, October 10, 2010

YOUR MYDRIATIC EYES

This wasn't meant to be like this, this was supposed to be a happy and inspired article about your mydriatic eyes as I envisioned weeks ago but I couldn't find the inspiration anymore, I'm tired. I am very tired. One of my mentors in the graduate school of pharmacy taught me that Pilocarpine was used in the olden days by royalties for mydriasis as people used to view mydriatic eyes as beautiful. On the other hand, you don't need any Pilocarpine as your eyes are beautifully round as they are. In fact, they were one of the things that initially attracted me to you. Do you know that sometimes I can almost see your soul by looking at them? But just sometimes because most of the times, they are mystery to me. You are a mystery to me and you will always be.

I've been thinking a lot and it made me realize that in most part, what we share might not be what you wanted and I don't want that. I want us to be happy, I want us to be free and alive and I can't search that from your mydriatic eyes. I've seen you very happy before and you were wonderful and I want that for you, not this. I remember you used to fight for your happiness but when you are with me I feel like you just don't have a choice. I pray that you will be able to discover that you are a wonderful person and that you have so many choices and possibilities within your reach. I hope you will be able to find that in your heart someday and don't you worry for me because I can't feel pain anymore, I don't get jealous anymore, I'm just tired and numb that I feel like I don't need to take another step because its not worth taking advantage to a very beautiful person like you. So I am left with one right thing to do which is the only thing I know but haven't done, to set you free. Maybe what we have isn't just worth this uncertainty. Your mydriatic eyes tell me so...