Thursday, October 6, 2011

ON LOVE, SELF-BECOMING AND DEATH

These are reflections based on popular essays presented in the graduate school class of the University of Santo Tomas, Manila for the subject Philosophy of Human Person, which are lengthy essays presented by a total of six people. I choose these essays because I find curious interest from these and that these topics seem to be related.

I am not a huge fan of drama but I find the essay on love different from its usual cheesy reputation. Yes, I agree with the reporters that we are born from love and that we also ought to leave this world with love. What I want to emphasize which I believe wasn’t explored in a meticulous manner by the reporters is the other side of love, the agape. The agape which is the highest of all the forms of love that does not involve a symbiotic relationship or any form of reason for loving but only exists to give selflessly. I wish that there are more people who share my beliefs but these days, it is really hard to gone by somebody who thinks that the goal of love is never happiness but giving. As human as we are, we have this illusion of a happy ending in us and to some extent – yes, but I am referring to the literal picture. We feel that we can only call it love if the prince and the princess are wed at the end of the fairytale and lived happily ever after but it is NOT always the case, it never was because sometimes it is more beautiful even in the cases of the not-so-or-not-a-happy-ending if we try to examine it closely.

For love is something that we give and by giving, we aren’t able to receive something in return most of the time and on top of this, the whole process of giving might mean that we need to make sacrifices by literally loosing but amidst this, we are still able to gain, why? I would say that we did what is right and that gives us a sense of peace to sleep well at night and appreciate even the minute gifts that life give us. Imagine loving a kid deeply that you will do anything to give him everything and a bright future that you cannot provide for some unfortunate valid reasons and that there would be no other way but to get the kid to foster parents that will be able to afford him that brighter future. It would be hard to let go of the kid, right? Letting go of someone you deeply love like this kid will be very difficult but we do it anyway because you love the kid and therefore what is best for him is what matters more than your happiness. I know it is pathetic especially for a person like me who is packaged as modern and non-conformist which became my way of life too but I always felt that this is one of my greatest success and that I stood up from the rest in my genre (and beyond) by being able to realize the beauty of this and that somehow I always carried this virtue in my heart, I’m proud of it.

Self-becoming is another interesting essay and being one of the reporters for this topic, I believe I was able to provide liberating ideas that are useful more than my bitterness and criticisms. I take pride of not sharing any drama plus too much personal experience because I treat my presentation as a possible force for self-becoming to the audience, I intend to inspire and liberate and not to gain sympathy and applause even from my professor:

  • I stood by my beliefs that we need NOT look for answers from the uncertainties in our lives where we seek to justify things instead, make the most of whatever little we have and move on
  • I affirmed the idea of the essay that there are indeed a lot of events in our lives that we did not expect to happen but will still turn out right in the end should we keep our faith
  • I challenged the class to gain a personal perspective by following what they believe true and not just accepting the norms but to think for themselves and develop their own disposition

These little honest thoughts mean a world to me when we talk about self-becoming because it is from new and challenging ideas, of course based on good that we are able to realize our true potential and start becoming the best person we can be. I have this teacher back when I was in primary school where then I was fat and ugly so I had a very low self-esteem. As part of the subject requirement in her music class, she asked everyone in the class to sing a solo and I did well, I mean I’ve always known that I can sing well but I was too afraid and when everybody from the class liked my singing, the fear was eased. Easing my fear wasn’t the best part yet because she told my parents of my gift so then the joy I felt tells me that I can be something more and that it is like some fog is lifted. I began to trust myself and my abilities, became a glee club member at high school and later enjoyed performing at Repertory Philippines. My only regret is that I never had the chance to thank my music teacher for not only giving me the music, giving me my self-esteem but I could say giving me my life. Well, maybe finally this Christmas when I get home to Mindanao.

Finally is the gloomy subject on death and I must admit that I still feel uncomfortable talking about it nevertheless, I always view it us another step towards being with our creator that we may finally be united with him. There must be a reason why some nun groups do not cry when burying one of their girls who passed because provided that we are doing good in this world, then it should follow that we will be in a so much happier place than earth. What I worry the most though when talking about death is not being able to fulfill what I need to do in this life. I understand that the process of self-becoming is constant and so are the things that we want to be but as of now I feel that I am on the right track. I’ve been joggling being a graduate school student, clinical specialist pharmacist, regulatory affairs consultant and being a pharmacy professor for approximately 2 years and I feel that my profession is where I will be able to respond to the call of God more than the priesthood that was planned.

Looking forward, I will be starting a pharmacy franchise by summer next year, hopefully I will be able to finish my dissertation and get a PhD Pharmacy degree within the next school year and get my first book published which is about pharmacy regulatory affairs, laws and ethics in the Philippines. These are the things I feel worth living for at the moment (I’m sure there are gonna be more!) apart from my family and friends so I may be able to be at real peace when my time runs out someday knowing that I have given contribution in this life.

LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED

I hope I’m gonna get the job this month from one of the companies I am eyeing on because I think I am ready to leave my present job, finally I learned how to treat things like it never happened, as simple as a casual memory that I can smile at. I must admit though that I still feel a little sorry for everything when I think of you specially for myself but I guess what gets me through is the hope that you will be able to find better someday like how it should be and like how it will be.

I am ready to leave now and when I think of the prior flames, I can more or less manage how to get through with this that later I will be able to treat this same. Sometimes I think that this is even better that the memory will always be kept because it is hidden pure and innocent. I mean anybody would say pure and innocent is better and I am truly able to appreciate the beauty of it now.

Looking forward there will be lots of work, better pay, more freedom and the pharmacy practice and even pharmacy education that I’ve always dreamed of. You will be there in my thoughts everyday, I will think and pray for you for I have learned that these things are something that need not be owned but something affirmed inside and given. Knowing that you live inside would be enough, so I’ll go on with my life like this never happened, like how it should be.